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Saxophone smooth in a three-piece suit
enters Blue - cool and suave, disdainful
to those of duller class - the crass
beiges and browns seen down the street
and around the town.

Electric, Blue glides bar-ward, in charge
and smug with martini charm - rhythmic
in conversation, his words slide
like the saxophone ride he came in on.
Red can't leave him alone.

He presses convivial keys, playing
the spectrum with a smug smile -
It's an old game with new names
and people to mix with. He smirks
his way to Ebony.

'How have you been?' and all that jazz,
just the casual quips and usual digs
of the typically hip, tripping
over tongues and each others' ego.
'Hey, gotta run'

Over to Green, and the game is on:
Name drops, topic-hops, the usual
shoptalk of performers at play -
Plucked strings sing a telling tune.
Green leaves with Envy.

Saxophone smooth in his three-piece suit,
Blue waves like the pacific ocean, breaks
the last ice and serenades the senses
with a warm smile directed at the party.
He leaves the bar with Red.
Inspired by the Forum contest at [link]

To paraphrase the details:
There is a party!
Only, the attendees of this party aren't ordinary people - they're colors.
The idea is, using poetry or prose, to characterise a colour and their behaviour at the party, and their interactions with others.


I chose to do this with poetry.

It was time to take a break from metric verse - so I have gone back to freeverse with this one.

I am fairly happy with how it has turned out.

Benedictions!
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:iconmyloveliestsequence:
myloveliestsequence Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2006
two thumbs up to the south of the world !
Reply
:iconarchangel3989:
ArchAngel3989 Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
Bella Bella
I really love the contrast, its seriously an amazing work of art
Pleas drop in and let me know what you think of "Alone and Lost"
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005  Hobbyist Writer
I am glad you enjoyed it.

Unfortunately, having no home internet currently, I don't have much time to write critiques. If you note me at a later stage I can see what I can do :)

Benedictions!
Reply
:iconarchangel3989:
ArchAngel3989 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2005  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you
by the way i love the quote
Reply
:iconaladdin-sane:
Aladdin-Sane Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2005
Just putting together a list of my favourite dA poems, and I had to add this.

Whenever I set down to write I always think back to the opening line of this piece: it's probably the most perfect opener I've ever seen.
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2005  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad you like it :)

Benedictions!
Reply
:iconprestonmeyers:
PrestonMeyers Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2005
fantastic. i like the rhythm of this "Blue" character. it's like the James Bond of the bar scene!

great descriptions and imagery and "all that jazz."

hope you don't mind if i :+fav: and :+devwatch:
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2005  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. I'm personally quite happy with how this poem turned out. :)
It did everything I wanted it to upon completion.

Benedictions!
Reply
:iconthecuddlydevil:
TheCuddlyDevil Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2004
I remember reading this before, but I was unfamiliar with a few words so I left it alone. I glanced the topic just now and thought I'd give it another read.

Really, this is really nice, kind of humorous and cute in its own way, this would do really well in spoken, hope another spoken word contest is around the corner, I'll want to do this one, if ya don't mind.
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
No worries at all - feel free to do so!

I am glad you enjoyed it.

Benedictions!
Reply
:icona-random-quigle:
a-random-quigle Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2004
This reminds me of Tom Waits. It's just got that Tom Waits feel about it. (When I read it, I hear this Tom Waits voice in my head pseudo-singing it.) You carry the imagery very cleverly through the piece. The use of colour very much impresses me. And you develop this lovely rhythm (very blues, jazz).

This made me smile. I can't find anything significant to fault. I don't think I'll ever think of blue in the same way again!

Well done!
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2005  Hobbyist Writer
(My apologies for the terribly late reply)

My thanks for the feedback!
I was listening to the Miles Davis track 'So What' at the time.

Benedictions!
Reply
:icondarkheartedsiren:
darkheartedsiren Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2004
beautiful piece ... i can see the scene unraveling in my mind...very vivid and colorful..





happy day:)
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
I am glad you enjoyed it!

Benedictions
Reply
:icondarkheartedsiren:
darkheartedsiren Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2004
you are very welcome!
Reply
:iconstarknaked:
StarkNaked Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2004
I am really digging the jazzy feel to this. The flow was really good, I read it aloud a few times and liked it more and more. The only thing that bothered me was the last line "He leaves the bar with Red". It seemed to end it on a pretty blunt tone.
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
My thanks for the feedback!

Benedictions
Reply
:iconsuckerforsunrises:
suckerforsunrises Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2004
the weaving of music into this piece gives color to...well, the colors. as usual, your enjambment is second to none. i caught myself smiling on more than one occasion, and i can't help but recall a Blue or two in my experiences. exquisite, dc, i love it.
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
My thanks for the feedback!
I am glad you enjoyed it.

Benedictions!
Reply
:iconswordexpert:
Swordexpert Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2004  Hobbyist Photographer
What a great poem. One of my recent faves of yours. I loved the rhythm of the piece. It flows like no other I've read. And I really did enjoy it. This is a must fave. My favourite lines were:

'How have you been?' and all that jazz,
just the casual quips and usual digs
of the typically hip, tripping
over tongues and each others' ego.
'Hey, gotta run'


^^ that was really catchy
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
I am glad you like it!

Benedictions
Reply
:iconmascaraboy:
mascaraboy Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2004
fab, it reads like bob fosse choreography looks.

wilkommen, bienvenue ect ect ect

you are a talented gentleman

consider yourself watched.

x
j
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
I am glad you enjoyed it!

Benedictions
Reply
:icondanefaith:
DaneFaith Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2004
Excellent personification, most definitely. You've derived cunning personalities out of the emotional appeal reflected by your selected colors quite well. Our little friend Blue most definitely represents the smooth, cool demeanor the color reflects, while little miss Red brings a fiery tinge of sexual appeal, passion and lust. Green most definitely gives such a nice addition to this poem, offering my favorite line in the fifth stanza, "Green leaves with Envy." Not taking advantage of such a perfect expression would surely have been blasphemous. :| The reference as beige and brown as the 'ordinary folk' is also good, especially since the combonation of colors like blue, red, and green create such mucky colorations. The combonation of the different traits to a point none shine out, and thus, are nothing special.

Most importantly, thank you, thank you thank you THANK YOU for not formulating Ebony into some sort of dismal, mal-adjusted entity. You used him to develop some of Blue's personality, but for the most part left him undefined. I prefer the use of black to reflect something enigmatic, as opposed to the popular, angst-ridden ideal that black is best suited to represent morbidity.

There are a few little things I don't like, though. Truthfully, what I dislike the least is how you referenced the suit Blue was wearing, because I don't think you should have personified him to such an extent. It just becomes too tangible in my opinion. I liked the envisionment of just a collection of colors, and not tangible human entities. It just seems like a bit more than just a minor setback to me. Maybe it is just me. Who knows? Perhaps we can consult Violet or Teal...

But all in all, this is good--no, sexy. It's sexy. ;) The personification is tres magnifique. Me likes much.

Cheers!
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
Excellent personification, most definitely. You've derived cunning personalities out of the emotional appeal reflected by your selected colors quite well. Our little friend Blue most definitely represents the smooth, cool demeanor the color reflects, while little miss Red brings a fiery tinge of sexual appeal, passion and lust. Green most definitely gives such a nice addition to this poem, offering my favorite line in the fifth stanza, "Green leaves with Envy." Not taking advantage of such a perfect expression would surely have been blasphemous. The reference as beige and brown as the 'ordinary folk' is also good, especially since the combonation of colors like blue, red, and green create such mucky colorations. The combonation of the different traits to a point none shine out, and thus, are nothing special.

My thanks for the extensive feedback here :)
I appreciate it.

Most importantly, thank you, thank you thank you THANK YOU for not formulating Ebony into some sort of dismal, mal-adjusted entity. You used him to develop some of Blue's personality, but for the most part left him undefined. I prefer the use of black to reflect something enigmatic, as opposed to the popular, angst-ridden ideal that black is best suited to represent morbidity.

It seemed an obvious, and unappealing cliche to have an angst-ridden shade of Black.
And also, to me, morbidity is best represented by grey.
When it comes down to it - morbidity and angst don't have a place at a fun, jazz-themed party :devilish:

There are a few little things I don't like, though. Truthfully, what I dislike the least is how you referenced the suit Blue was wearing, because I don't think you should have personified him to such an extent. It just becomes too tangible in my opinion.

That is my aim - I want Blue to stand out above the rest, as this is his story (so to speak), and he is the main character, the life of the party.
But, even without that consideration - the purpose of this poem is full anthropomorphic personification - I want these colours to be people - so that the party, and Blue, become accessible to the imagination as a more tangible thing.

I liked the envisionment of just a collection of colors, and not tangible human entities. It just seems like a bit more than just a minor setback to me. Maybe it is just me. Who knows? Perhaps we can consult Violet or Teal...

It is simply a difference of aesthetic preference, really.

But all in all, this is good--no, sexy. It's sexy. The personification is tres magnifique. Me likes much.

My thanks again for the feedback!

Benedictions!
Reply
:icondanefaith:
DaneFaith Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2004
:bulletred: It seemed an obvious, and unappealing cliche to have an angst-ridden shade of Black. And also, to me, morbidity is best represented by grey.

I consider gray to be a good representation of indifference. A darker shade of violet gives a good representation of something dismal in my personal opinion.

:bulletred: When it comes down to it - morbidity and angst don't have a place at a fun, jazz-themed party

Oh yes, most definitely. :|

:bulletred: That is my aim - I want Blue to stand out above the rest, as this is his story (so to speak), and he is the main character, the life of the party.
But, even without that consideration - the purpose of this poem is full anthropomorphic personification - I want these colours to be people - so that the party, and Blue, become accessible to the imagination as a more tangible thing.


Yeah, I've envisioned that after another few readings through, and find it just as inriguing of a mental image and thought process. I can see them more tangibly, but I'm still leaning to the preference of keeping some metaphysical visualization in the perception of them.

:bulletred: It is simply a difference of aesthetic preference, really.

Yep.

Cheers!
Reply
:iconchiroptera:
chiroptera Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2004
Man.. this is good stuff..

i thought of blue as someone free-spirited, independent...

this is another perception of blue.. like deep blue (men's shirt types)..

yummy.. i am gonna visit the forum!!
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
I am glad you enjoyed it!

Benedictions!
Reply
:iconexoticfirefly:
exoticfirefly Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2004
Sweet...You're great.
Reply
:iconaladdin-sane:
Aladdin-Sane Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2004
I keep coming back to this one, whenever I visit your page. Man, that first line is just so smooth, it's in a league of its own.
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
I am glad you enjoy it!

Benedictions!
Reply
:icontatsel:
Tatsel Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2004
Truly wonderful. It's Stephen King's Insomnia all over again...
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
Having not read that - maybe you could clarify what you mean?

Thank you!

Benedictions!
Reply
:icontatsel:
Tatsel Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2004
Oh, primarily it's a book about auras. I suppose this poem reminded me of it due to the colors you used to personify things (and people, if that makes any sense at all).

-Well wishes
Reply
:iconautumn-rain:
autumn-rain Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2004  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i love the personification
and especially:
Green leaves with Envy.
that one made me laugh
this piece flows really nicely
and the end comes back to the beginning
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
My thanks for the feedback!
I am glad you enjoyed it.

Benedictions
Reply
:iconlucelombra:
lucelombra Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2004
That's very good. Perfect use of words. They both accurately describe what you're saying and play with each other nicely.
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you.

Benedictions
Reply
:iconpink-club:
PiNk-ClUb Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2004
its kool man! what is your profession? are u a professional poet?! im intrieged! x x
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
I'm not paid for what I do, if that is what you mean.
However, I devote much time, study, and practice to my art, and from that point of view, I guess you caould call it a professional process.

Once I accumulate enough poems that I am personally proud of, I will likely publish them.

I am glad you enjoyed the poem!

Benedictions!
Reply
:iconpink-club:
PiNk-ClUb Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2004
oh ok!!! Good luck 4 when or if u publish them!!!!!!! you will do well!!! x x x
Reply
:iconlesbian-harlequin:
lesbian-harlequin Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2004
I simply love how this bounces the rhythm is simply like soul like grooovy like beat-a tat tat there cool cat...:nod: I just simply love it..I adore it!! it has captured me entirely with how the flavour the scene comes alive in every word..wow..it's simply awesome..I am truly taken!! :clap:
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
Iam glad you enjoyed it!
My thanks for the feedback.

Benedictions
Reply
:iconlesbian-harlequin:
lesbian-harlequin Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2004
Whoot..for benedictions...I think...:P
Reply
:iconscrivener:
Scrivener Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2004
This is so smooth, I could feel it purring under my palm. :aww:

"Over to Green, and the game is on:
Name drops, topic-hops, the usual
shoptalk of performers at play -
Plucked strings sing a telling tune.
Green leaves with Envy."


I just had to pull out my favourite part - the inner rhymes are simply divine. Really makes it flow, you know? (;P Sorry, I'll cut it out.)
There's more that could be said, but that can be left to others. I'll simply say: This is a favourite! :+fav: Not just because of the 'sax' references, even though I'm a tenor :)
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
My thanks for the feedback!
I am glad you enjoyed it.

Benedictions!
Reply
:iconkinderlovegrrl:
kinderlovegrrl Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2004   Photographer
Absolutely brilliant. My favourite bit was

"just the casual quips and usual digs
of the typically hip, tripping
over tongues and each others' ego.
'Hey, gotta run'"

It's got this jazzy type of flow to the poem and I guess all I can say is that you hit the mark EXACTLY on this one :) I enjoyed it.
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
My thanks for the feedback.
I am glad you enjoyed it.

Benedictions!
Reply
:iconsacrumrainstyormz:
SacrumRainStyormz Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2004   Writer
oh wow I love this...you're leaving me at a loss for words and that's a rarity! Wow...blue is my favorite color I wear it everyday, in fact I had my glasses tinted blue so I'd always have blue on...although I think I'm going colour blind because everything is slightly tinged in blue...I've always wondered what people thought when they saw the girl in blue...and now I sort of know! hehe great job! this goes to my favorites...if I could I'd favor all of your work...but ehh that's too much space lol would you mind if I printed this out? PLease?
Reply
:icondarkcrescendo:
darkcrescendo Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2004  Hobbyist Writer
I am glad you enjoyed the poem.

You can certainly print it out so long as you acknowledge where it came from.

Benedictions!
Reply
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