I have been admiring your work secretly for a few weeks now, I hesitated to post a comment due to the fact that you got so many and I did not wish to be a nuisance.Your writing really is beautiful. I feel inferior in comparison to you, but you must know that your writing is remarkable, I am becoming rather repeatitive now aren't I? But thank you for sharing your work it enables people like me to admire it.

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If the doors of perception were cleansed every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite. For man has closed himself up, till he sees all things thru' narrow chinks of his cavern.
- William Blake

I am glad you enjoy it!

Benedictions!

--
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery.
- T.S. Eliot 'Reflections on Vers Libre' 1917 [link]

Hmm... I've never thought of death as having any music to it. It's always been a singular black and white, and yet the way you conveyed it made the death march, the death symphony personify itself quite well.
I really do like this poem though, although considering my limited vocabulary I will have to look up some of these words probably.
Blah... my vocabulary has dwindled... shameful really....

In the meantime I will stop trying to sound smart at 4 something in the morning, shut my trap and say I really, really liked it.

--
I argue thee that love is life. And life hath immortality. --Emily Dickinson

My thanks for the feedback.

I am glad you enjoyed it!

Benedictions

--
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery.
- T.S. Eliot 'Reflections on Vers Libre' 1917 [link]

Puns: I really like the double-meanings of this, and the sheer number of puns you managed to squeeze in. I didn't even realize half of them until I thought about it, and looked some words up. I especially liked the use of the word "corpus." I like "screams the day to silence" in terms of its double meaning in this poem, but "screams to silence" in itself seems rather cliché.
Sound: Wow, there are certainly a lot of "S" sounds in here. I don't like saying them, but as I was wondering at some point, maybe you choose less pleasing sounds to match the mood of a certain poem. I was considering doing that, but I wasn’t (and I’m not) sure about it. "Violin violence" is the phrase that I find most pleasing sonically; I like the "viol" sound. Haha, vile. The last two lines are fun for the internal rhymes, still and kills, dying and flying.
Over-all: Favorite line: "Violin violence bites and rages"
Least favorite line: "screeching through the ravaged senses." - I don't know why I didn't bring it up under "sound", but "ravaged senses" is just atrocious to say. I couldn't tell you why on this one.
I think you handle dark poetry quite well, and I've always had interest in the Danse Macabre. In general, I think you did a good job with cliché avoidance. I still have a lot of trouble determining the stress in one syllable words, so I can't play right now, unless I use only multiple syllable words.

"screams to silence" in itself seems rather cliché.

I hadn't come across it before - where have you heard it previously, and in what contexts?

I don't like saying them, but as I was wondering at some point, maybe you choose less pleasing sounds to match the mood of a certain poem.
Least favorite line: "screeching through the ravaged senses." - I don't know why I didn't bring it up under "sound", but "ravaged senses" is just atrocious to say. I couldn't tell you why on this one.

I was experimenting with harsher sounds and dissonance in contrast to sibilance to reflect the poems content.
That line happened to be the most dissonant.
I shall keep in mind that it may not be an effective technique.

My thanks for the feedback! It is appreciated!

Benedictions!

--
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery.
- T.S. Eliot 'Reflections on Vers Libre' 1917 [link]

Theres not a lot you can say about your work when you're a novice such as myself, so you will have to be contented when I say that this was just beautiful to read

--
"A Freudian slip is when you mean one thing but say your mother."

I am glad you enjoyed it!

Benedictions

--
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery.
- T.S. Eliot 'Reflections on Vers Libre' 1917 [link]

I enjoy your structures and your sense of sound.

--
"You see, I am a poet, and not quite in my right head, darling." -Edna St. Vincent Millay

I am glad you liked it!

Benedictions!

--
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery.
- T.S. Eliot 'Reflections on Vers Libre' 1917 [link]