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Winter by `darkcrescendo:icondarkcrescendo:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Nature > Fixed




The old man smiles through clear blue eyes
and skies embracing fertile clouds
expectant with fractal flake children.

He doffs his hat of hazy mist
for geriatric trees, bald heads
displaying their crinkled-wood wisdom.

One hand adjusts his bare-earth tweed
to smooth the frost on collar hills
and straighten a river-ice necktie.

He wanders, smiling at his world
unfurled in tasteful winter shades
now painted on seasonal canvas.
©2004-2009 `darkcrescendo
:icondarkcrescendo:

Author's Comments

An example of my love for metre.

Four tercets, basically structured as follows (With one or two substitutions):
Iambic Tetrameter
Iambic Tetrameter
Amphibrach Trimeter

I am quite happy with how it turned out.

This has been presented in Contemplicity's release Seasons

Please enjoy.

Benedictions!

Daily Deviation

Given 2004-07-08

He's not a meter maid, he's a Metre Man. Or at least, he spouts off about it as much as I yell about my love for prose. In Winter by *darkcrescendo, the man shows that he's not all talk. Smart, and well put together, this poem demonstrates the perfect blend of form and content. Oh, and he's Australian, so forgive his seasonal backwardness. He doesn't know it's supposed to be summer. (Suggested by =Chillinvillain and Featured by `Astrophel)

Critiques


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:iconchiroptera:
~chiroptera Jul 1, 2004, 8:00:34 PM
i don't get what you said in description, but after reading out loud, i think i have some sort of clue pertaining to the iambic metre and the amphibrach metre..

but as i was reading, i thought the second stanza's second line sounded a little off as compared to the first stanza second line.. the part which has a comma, followed by bald heads sounded like a jerk..

or perhaps i wasn't reading right.. but i like the thought input for this one.. as in it's winter and you are singling in on a man and his actions, and not winter in general..

ahh, i wish to go abck to germany again.. winter there was fun..

--
Blackout in Singapore
Join The Comment Revolution!
:icondarkcrescendo:
`darkcrescendo Jul 1, 2004, 8:19:08 PM
*Nods* The second stanza's second line is of a slightly different cadence. The naturally rapid pace of 'geriatric' was countered with the slight pause of the comma. That line is where the main metric substitution occurred.

As for the metres themselves, go to [link]
That will give you a better idea of what they are.

Benedictions!

--
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery.
- T.S. Eliot 'Reflections on Vers Libre' 1917 [link]
:iconautumnfall:
~autumnfall Jul 2, 2004, 12:19:13 PM
I envy your ability to write poetry so well.

I can't do Iambic pentameter at all and I have tried, but I could never quite pull it off.


He doffs his hat of hazy mist
for geriatric trees, bald heads
displaying their crinkled-wood wisdom.

I really like this one particular stanza, brings an interesting image to mind, and I can't write any more.

--
I argue thee that love is life. And life hath immortality. --Emily Dickinson
:icondarkcrescendo:
`darkcrescendo Jul 2, 2004, 6:00:09 PM
Time, practice and experimentation will aid you with any poetic technique, really.

I am glad you enjoyed it!

Benedictions.

--
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery.
- T.S. Eliot 'Reflections on Vers Libre' 1917 [link]
:icong33k-ch1k:
~g33k-ch1k Jul 3, 2004, 11:26:28 AM
I think

This is the difference between a duck.

--
You may see a silly fop & a worshipful justice, a griping rook & a grave citizen, a worthy lawyer & an errant pickpocket, a reverend non-conformist & a canting mountebank, all blended together to compose a medley of impertinence -- at the *Coffeehouse
:icondarkcrescendo:
`darkcrescendo Jul 3, 2004, 8:36:12 PM
Hmm... I see... yes... Now what does this inkblot remind you of? :devilish:

Benedictions

--
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery.
- T.S. Eliot 'Reflections on Vers Libre' 1917 [link]
:iconjl:
~jl Jul 4, 2004, 7:10:50 PM
Beautiful poem, and the metre really flows nicely. I'm glad you're one of the last bastions on dA doing that kind of thing :-)

Could you explain that amphibrach thing to me? I like it...

--
www.rainlights.net
:icondarkcrescendo:
`darkcrescendo Jul 4, 2004, 7:45:11 PM
[link] - has a decent explanation of the different metres

An amphibrach is a three-syllable foot with the middle syllable stressed - derDUHder

I am glad you enjoyed it!

Benedictions

--
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery.
- T.S. Eliot 'Reflections on Vers Libre' 1917 [link]
:iconjl:
~jl Jul 4, 2004, 8:11:41 PM
I see... I have this odd tendency to read everything dactylic when I feel lost. That's why I didn't get the middle syllable pattern :-) Thank you!

--
www.rainlights.net
:icondarkcrescendo:
`darkcrescendo Jul 5, 2004, 2:56:36 AM
You are most welcome!

Benedictions

--
There is no escape from metre; there is only mastery.
- T.S. Eliot 'Reflections on Vers Libre' 1917 [link]
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